Cows in Miraculous Hurricane Escape

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/nov/13/cows-outer-banks-hurricane-dorian-swept-away

Quote of the piece:

"Cows are recognized as adept swimmers comfortable with covering a few hundred yards. But swimming miles of open water in a hurricane is outside their general range of expertise."

Can't wait until they make a moo-vie of this. 

End of Days

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/earthquake-strikes-britain-with-tremors-felt-from-cornwall-to-liverpool-a3769216.html

I blame Trump and/or Brexit.

BBC Comedy Triumphs

So I've been watching the second series of Detectorists on Netflix with a view to catching the third series before it disappears from iPlayer. I'm very much enjoying it so far - seems like the sort of gentle and charitable comedy that has largely been replaced on mainstream TV by brasher and meaner shows.

I'm  up to episode three and I'm not entirely sold yet. It's shaping up nicely in terms of the main search for the WW2 bomber and the Mayor's ceremonial chain but the little details and dialogue are always going to be what makes it in the end. "Nostalgia conventions aren't what they used to be" was a gem however. I laughed for a long time.

My other recent foray into BBC comedy was the first series of Upstart Crow. It was definitely a mixed bag. Some of the jokes worked and I liked both David Mitchell as Shakespeare and Tim Downie as a foppish Marlowe. The nods to Blackadder were also funny especially in the finale. However, there are also some markedly dull bits, especially in any scenes involving Harry Enfield or Spencer Jones' Kemp. It also really needs some new material, a lot of the jokes saw much exposure with no variation.     

Saying it how it is ...

At last something said by the current US administration that I agree with!

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/oct/04/rex-tillerson-trump-moron

Doctor Who vs the Star Eaters

So, it's been nearly six months since I last posted but I felt I should return for a bad pun. In the second to latest Doctor Who episode, The Eaters of Light, we get the following dialogue:

Doctor Who: You'll be safe. Tomorrow you'll be farming. Hey you can name a cow after me.

So that would be Doctor Moo then. Badum-bum-tish.

Pork Life: An ode to Hameron

Confidence is a preference for the ministerial voyeur
Of what is known as
(Porklife)
And morning soup can be avoided
If you take a route straight through what is known as
(Porklife)

Dave's got brewers droop he gets intimidated
By the dirty piggies, they love a bit of him
(Porklife)
Who's that gut lord marching?
You should cut down on your parklife mate, get some exercise

All the people
So many people
They all go hand in hand
Hand in hand through their porklife
Know what I mean?

I get up when I want except on Mondays
When I get rudely awakened by the tabloids
(Porklife)
I put my trousers on, have a cup of tea
And I think about screwing the poor
(Porklife)

I feed the bankers I sometimes feed the royals too
It gives me a sense of enormous well-being
(Porklife)
And then I'm happy for the rest of the day safe in the knowledge
There will always be a bit of my anatomy devoted to it

All the people
So many people
And they all go hand in hand
Hand in hand through their porklife

Porklife
(Porklife)
Porklife
(Porklife)

It's got nothing to do with
Vorsprung durch Schwein you know
(Porklife)
And it's not about you pundits
Who go round and round and round
(Porklife)

All the people
So many people
And they all go hand in hand
Hand in hand through their porklife

Next week: Pork and Beans by Weezer

A Poetic Excursion

A homily as to why cavalry commanders should not cut the front legs off of their horses

Oops -
It would appear
that all my equestrians
have become pedestrians.

Space Cthulu wants you!

http://rt.com/usa/nro-satellite-octopus-emblem-854/

Typical Russia Today paranoia exhibited in their article reacting to the logo adopted by the Americans for their reconnaissance satellite launch of 8 December 2013.

However, it does seem an odd decision for the NRO to have used such a Machiavellian-looking Cephalopod. They must know that their public image is not at a peak right now!

Russians vs Aliens

http://rt.com/news/russian-space-troops-aliens-631/

Well now we know. The Russian military do not yet think they can combat extraterrestrials. I wonder if anyone has asked the Americans the same question. They do have a larger budget.

[Edit] Although since Russia Today is also leading with this article about the perils of jellyfish causing nuclear power plants to temporarily shut down.

http://rt.com/news/jellyfish-nuclear-plant-shutdown-626/

I believe they may simply be trying to distract reader's attention from the real story about Russia this week:

http://rt.com/news/greenpeace-piracy-activists-624/

Death in the Pond

No Christmas is complete without the seasonal Dr Who Christmas special. Actually I tell a lie since many of them have been eminently forgettable. Ever since the brilliant sword-fighting excitement of 'A Christmas Invasion' and the surreal flying shark of 'A Christmas Carol'. our eyeballs have been assaulted by a never ending stream of plastic santas and C.S. Lewis-esque winter wonderlands.

On first viewing this one was similarly unimpressive. In true Christmas style I had had a few glasses of wine already and was surrounded by my extended family. This naturally meant I missed certain bits (where the hell did the memory worm appear from?) as I fielded questions about whether the lizard woman was a goody or a baddy.

From this distracted perspective the story was a bit of a mess. The plot zoomed along without much rhythm or rhyme and it seemed as though the producers were trying too hard to introduce the new assistant while making the usual family friendly jokes.

However, a second solitary viewing with a lower blood-alcohol level persuaded me that the episode was not without its merits. Jenna-Louise Coleman is shaping up to be a brilliant new companion and they have set up an interesting mystery with her seeming ability to reincarnate. The Doctor's impression of Sherlock Holmes was absolutely hilarious and I loved the idea of him being dragged out of his self-imposed retirement by a new whip-smart acquaintance.

Of course the show still had weaknesses. The ice lady, after a huge build up, got a grand total of thirty seconds screen time before being blown up by the Doctor. Admittedly she came back but then spent the next ten minutes trapped by a grenade force field. As for my final bit of nit-picking, I know the Doctor is meant to be adorably absent minded but I think that he might have remembered to close the doors of his floating police box rather than wading through some soppy dialogue before watching Clara be dragged to her (possibly second) death.

So all in all a mixed effort. I still can't wait for this series to restart. Here's hoping that they can get it together to show entire series consecutively again rather than messing around with all this mid-season hiatus business ad nauseam.

See how deep the rabbit hole goes .....

http://stochasticreview.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/jokes-for-capitalist-world-crisis.html

So in an earlier post I speculated about the meaning behind Macdonald's choice of 'Everybody wants to Rule the World' as the backing music for their Olympic advert. However, even more worrying information had recently come to light as I inspected this adorable video of Mo Farah and Usain Bolt celebrating their victory together.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/olympics/19229542

So we now have two extremely recognisable athletes making Mo's recognisable victory sign. Which, to a suspicious and slightly unhinged mind, looks a little bit like the trademark 'M' of MacDonald's. Britons across the country are now associating that sign (and the food chain that spawned it) with the emotion of watching Mo storm home to his second gold medal.

Coincidence? I think not. Those sneaky corporate dogs.

Jokes for a capitalist world crisis

http://tvcfblog.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/mcdonalds-we-all-make-games-commercial.html

So McDonald's latest advert has Tears for Fears 'Everybody wants to rule the World' as the background music. Some might think this shows a certain lack of subtlety on the part of the giant multinational.

http://www.presseurop.eu/en/content/article/2459131-saying-farewell-hoxha-s-bunkers

Also one of the lesser known facts about the current Eurocrisis. Two of the economies that are weathering the recession best and are continuing to grow are Poland and Albania. This should provoke some questions for all those scholars who have continually listed reasons for the inevitability of Western European dominance.

Globalisation may be a bit grimy but it has some amusing side effects.

Bombing in Central Ukraine provokes conspiracy theorists

http://rt.com/news/ukraine-dnepropetrovsk-explosion-tram-127/

 Sad that this sort of thing has happened but the Russia Today comments are gold - three pages blaming: 1) The Vatican 2) The Muslims 3)The CIA 4) Polish Special Forces 5) The Jews 6) MI6 7) The Ukrainian government 8) Lone terrorist 9) Mossad 10) Trade Unionists 11) The Mafia 12) NATO 13) Russia Today 14) Jesuits 15) The Russians 16) The Rothschilds

 It's like a mash up of every conspiracy theory since 1786. Although they missed out the Freemasons. And the Communists.

The Funny Side of Car Crashes?

http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0,1518,828091,00.html

Who says the Germans don't have a sense of humour?

Spanish King having hip surgery

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-17712841

I shouldn't laugh but there are a lot of shady missing details in this story. What was a 13 year old doing with a gun? Why was the 74 year old king hunting elephants? Do the Spanish monarchy not believe in bodyguards or are they just amazingly incompetent?

xkcd hates blind people

http://xkcd.com/518/

Proof!

Pro-nun-see-ate-shun

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUoWoxpT_jU

The Internet has taken all of the fun out of going in to a postgraduate seminar and only having a sketchy idea of how to say the name of the author you're presenting on.

... good thing we can still get the wrong gender on occasion though. Bloody 'Kateb Yacine'.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

I was disappointed at the start of this month when I checked up on a whimsical fact that I have been fraudulently relaying for the last half decade or so. I knew the end of the world in the Mayan calender in 2012 was based on extremely sketchy evidence. However, I was pretty sure that somewhere I'd seen that if it were true one component of this apocalypse would be a rain of Jaguars. This led to many a jolly conversation about whether the Jaguars were meant to splat on impact or not and if they didn't whether they would be in any fit state to maul people. Occasionally someone would raise the genuine concern about whether the Mayans were referring to the cars or the animals (although I'd be extremely worried if they were that good at predicting the course of history). Anyway turns out that there is not a zillionth of truth in this cherished fact. I'm most hurt by this. A plague of jaguars on all your families.

Apart from that its been a fairly conventional beginning to the year. The University have been kind enough to set us two 5000 word essays for the 20th January and there has been much stress regarding that. A pub chat with an uncle has led to a barrage of emails regarding Irish history which was an unexpected outcome. Interesting to discover that my great-grandad's creamery in Sligo was burned down, not once, but twice by the hard-working British police before independence. Work is worklike but they've obligingly given me a week off pre-deadlines which relieves the tension somewhat.

Lifestyle Politics

Cyclists of the World Unite!

You have Nothing to Lose but your Lanes.

Fresh Meat - Joints no. 5 and 6

I've already talked about the first few episodes of Channel Four student comedy, Fresh Meat, which I've been getting my teeth into (pun intended).

http://stochasticreview.blogspot.com/2011/10/fresh-meat-four-slices-wrapped-up.html

To cut a long and frequently tangential review short, the series started off well but got less funny very quickly after the initial episodes.

Luckily this trend hasn't continued with episodes five and six which seem to have increased got better again and have a bit more direction rather than just rehashing (pun intended) jokes that they have already done. Here are my thoughts on the lastest offerings:

Episode 5) An improvement but not a huge one. The student demonstration angle is nice and there are some good jokes about kettling and the group getting lost in London. However, it really didn't shake things up enough. The only real new character we met was the wimpy protest organizer, who got a few funny lines, but generally it was the same old gang and the usual jokes. Vod's efforts to be an urban guerrilla despite her complete lack of political awareness also got a few laughs.

Episode 6) A real return to quality. All of the characters actually showed some emotional depth; JP and his dad, Oregon ( or rather, shock horror, Melissa!) and her horse, Howard's sabotaged romance with Geology girl and Vod finding out Oregon's secrets. The knee jerk laughs were kept to a minimum but when they were used they were pretty good (Awesome trees!). Generally a really good episode and best of all, no Professor Shales. I swear that character hasn't been at all funny since episode 3.

Bring on the rest and keep it up, Channel 4!