Royal Wedding

I see from the news that the bookies are enjoying the preparations for the wedding between Prince William and a-little-bit-posh-but-definitely-not-a-baronet Kate in their usual manner by offering odds on the likelihood of any combination of events that one might dream up. You know - if it will rain or not, what colour the best man's suit will be, whether the Queen will punch anybody - that sort of thing.

I didn't get around to making any bets but here are my predictions for tomorrow;

1) At ten o'clock the Libyan rebels release a video revealing that they are in fact a branch of Al-Qaeda. Osama Bin Laden comes out of hiding to lead the charge into Tripoli and the Americans order NATO to start an immediate bombardment of his position. Meanwhile, the BBC interviews the cook who made the cake for the royal wedding's reception.

2) As the rebels storm his compound and long range missiles land around him, Gaddafi sword fights with Bin Laden on top of a minaret. In London, the BBC journalist talks to a 90 year old woman who has the nation's largest collection of royalty-themed mugs.

3) With a dramatic lunge Osama sends Gadaffi's weapon flying from his hand. However, as the Libyan dictator prays for his life, an Israeli helicopter lands a few metres away from him. It turns out that Colonel Gadaffi was a Mossad plant all along, kept in power to secretly forward the Israeli agenda. Elsewhere, the BBC focus their cameras on the cheering crowd and talk about what it means to be British as the happy couple walk down the aisle.

4) As the Israeli aircraft shoots down two RAF typhoons and flies across the border trailing smoke, the BBC interview the Libyan ambassador about how he feels about not being invited to the royal wedding.

I suspect that the odds would have been pretty good.